hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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