those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
