i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
