Best friends brother. Beat that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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