some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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