I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
