So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
