dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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