you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
