I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
