I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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