Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
