OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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