I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
