So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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