i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
