dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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