the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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