Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
