DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
