i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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