The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
