hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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