Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
