I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
