I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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