don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
