Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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