I wish I only lived at night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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