I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
