I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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