I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
