Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
