I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I skipped work to stalk him.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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