Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
