thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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