So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
