I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
