some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
