Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
