dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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