Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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