I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
