you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
