Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did I show you my penis last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
