At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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