HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
