cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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