He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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