I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
