i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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