i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
