i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
