if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
