Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
