I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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