he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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