Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
