Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my shit smells like andre
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
