one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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