Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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