bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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