Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
