I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
